Anarchy Moment 0431 – Movie Review: Alien Romulus
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First The Great One will bitch about the stupid. Then he will tell you as best he can how horrible this movie is.
Wells Fargo sucks. But first, the medical industrial complex is pulling out all the stops to explain the rise in heart attacks.
Make sure you are sitting down for this one…
Standing too much can raise the risk of circulatory disease, a new study says. Experts say the key is to ‘just move.’
. . . . .
But new research suggests that standing may come with its own complications — especially regarding heart health. The study, published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, claims that standing more may not reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease and may actually increase the risk of developing a circulatory disease.
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/standing-too-much-raise-risk-190525882.html
Here are my notes as I wrote them down:
direct copy/homage to Alien with the opening sequence only shorter
CGI toy spaceship
wreckage of the Nostromo – no
what the fuck are they wearing?
6 minutes in and I’m _____________ (can’t read my own writing, pissed?)
bobby bird from Alien
nigger and white woman? not sure if that’s male for female
is nigger retarded?
it’s a nigger synth – his name is Andy. get it?
“she” thinks nigger synth is her brother
no white people
let’s go get abandoned ship
no planet with a breathable atmosphere will always be covered with clouds
ballheaded zoomer chick is driving
“synthetics only” sign on outside of ship – is that like coloureds only?
why are they crawling thru ducts? use a real airlock
there are only 5 people for the aliens to kill
“who’s the father” “some asshole” – that’s who women fuck
“i prefer the term artificial person”
why are you telling the synth you’re going to turn him off
“zoomers v aliens” – literally – mouthy, retarded, stupid
bald bitch – “don’t help them, facehuggers will get in here”
facehugger gets bald bitch – winning!
reboot synth – ala Ash
CGI Ash – bad bad bad CGI
Bjorn abandons his friend over a bitch
lame chest buster scene
shuttle crashes into fuel storage – then happens to crash into hanger bay
coon synth turns traitor
56 min in – I don’t care about any of these characters – contrast Alien characters to Romulus – over the top with tragedy, things happen to them but things happening to you is not a personality
Rook/Ash reveals this is “the” alien – even if it there was debris from the Nostromo the alien wouldn’t be near them
raise temp of room to body temp – then open the door and let in colder air – why not raise above body temp
vagina cocoon – shove in electric dildo
she can’t find the key – alien birth porn – run, fall – facehugger closing in – yawn
how is “she’s pregnant” a reason to open the door? abortion – the alien gave her an abortion
“your model was the backbone of our ____________ efforts” – is this a slavery reference?
space station has escalator and tram
Andy states his prime directive is to do what’s best for the company and they still hang with him
replay of Hicks/Riply how to use a pulse rifle
laser fog from Alien
very fake human husks in the nest – movie has some very fake looking elements in it
she’s going back to rescue the POX synth – Riply rescues a little blonde girl, Riply Wanna Be rescues a coloured toaster
10 minutes – you don’t have time to be sorry
elevator don’t work without gravity – that’s how you build an elevator in space
“get away from her. you bitch.”
stupid pregnant woman injects herself with experimental vaxx – how does she even know what it is?
riply wanna be in underwear with freeze gun instead of flamethrower
RWB gets in closet and puts on spacesuit
autopilot disengage due to emergency – not sure space ships work like that
ship changes course when autopilot disengages – not sure space ships work like that
“this is RWB last survivor of this shitty movie signing off”
general notes:
music at top of show was good – after that I don’t recall any of it
acting – there wasn’t any
stylistic – sometimes looked very much much Alien, other times tried too hard. CGI was sometimes obvious
Space. Cocoon. Vagina.
Insert electric dildo.
What is that gash in this things crotch?
Thanks to The Estate of Ian Holm for allow us to rape his corpse.
PDV Offset? Does that mean tax payer money?
New Zealand government’s screen production grant? You mean tax payer money. Canadian tax credit? You mean tax payer money.
British Columbia production service tax credit? You mean tax payer money.
Source material for this episode:
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Send some commies to Canada. They said they would go if the Trumpenfuhrer was elected President but they are too dumb to figure out Canada is to the north and too poor to get there ’cause they have liberal arts degrees. Commies To Canada.
Nice product placement. I know where I’d like to place my product.
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Check out ‘Die Alone.’ You can ‘borrow’ movies from yts.mx.
Movies come in two types nowadays…remakes and rip offs. Sometimes both at once. Since downloaded movies generally come in mp4 format all they need is VLC player on their phone. I like listening to documentaries on the phone while falling asleep.
I think you are overlooking the third possibility.
Rip off remakes.
holy fuck… I shut if off after the first 30 minutes. It was just too fucking BORING, and stupid.
I watched The Critical Drinker’s review. He was far too kind to the movie. You made a good decision. It’s really really bad.