In the Journal of Business and Psychology, Vol. 21, No. 2, Winter 2006 is an article entitled Effects of Discriminatory Interview Questions and Gender on Applicant Reactions by Alan M. Saks and Julie M. McCarthy of the University of Toronto.

 

Toronto. Canada. There is the first indication that something is wrong here. Anyhow, they did some research on discriminatory questions during job interviews. That data isn’t what I’m interested in however. What I find so interesting is what constitutes “discriminatory” questions. Here is their list of interview questions which contains four discriminatory questions:

 

What is your date of birth?

What is the nature of your previous work experience?

What kinds of things do you look for in a job?

Have you ever been arrested for a crime?

What do you consider to be your greatest strengths?

Do you have any handicaps?

What university subjects do you like the most?

What qualities should a successful manager possess?

Do you have any future plans for marriage and children?

What do you think you have to offer a company like Dandy Toys?

 

First, let’s overlook the fact that these are some terrible interview questions, discriminatory or otherwise. You would not learn much about a job applicant from this question set. But that wasn’t the point of their experiment. The discriminatory questions are:

 

What is your date of birth?

Have you ever been arrested for a crime?

Do you have any handicaps?

Do you have any future plans for marriage and children?

 

Let’s take these one at a time.

 

What is your date of birth?

 

You can’t ask this during an interview, yet once someone is hired they are going to be forced (if they want the job) to fill out numerous forms on which they must put personal information (to include the date of his birth), they will be forced to fill out health insurance forms on which they must put personal & potentially embarrassing information. If this person is really lucky he will have to piss in a fucking jar while someone watches him and that piss will be tested, the results of said test may put him in jail for years. But you dare not ask the date of his birth during the interview.

 

On top of that, isn’t it fairly obvious when you are talking to another person, face to face, approximately how old he is? Certainly you can’t usually figure out his exact age, but you can tell someone who graduated high school 3 years ago from someone who will be retiring on social security in 3 years.

 

Age is considered discriminatory primarily because of fucking old people who think that just because they’ve been alive for so long they are now entitled to all the things they couldn’t earn out of merit. If I am going to hire someone and invest lots of time and money in training this person I don’t want to hire somebody who is going to drop dead in 5 years.

 

And old people, don’t give me this shit about your “life experience” and how wise you are. Really? Old people are smart? You mean like the voters in Florida? What about all the old people who get screwed out of their life savings by con artists? Some guy calls you on the phone, tells you that you’ve won a prize and all you have to do to collect is give him your bank account number, social security number and birth date, and you do it. You are wise? I fucking think not. Go drool on yourself.

 

As more and more of the population of the United States closes in on retirement age they are going to become nothing other than a welfare burden. Every working tax payer is going to have to support a 78 year old drooling fool in addition to supporting a 20 year old welfare mother and her 4 children. Paying the living expenses and health care cost of all these old people is going to be great for the national deficit as well.

 

Oh, and why the hell are you old people driving? Get off the fucking road. Old people should not be allowed to drive.

 

McCain.

Typical old person.

Need I say more?

 

Next question.

 

Have you ever been arrested for a crime?

 

Not until she pisses in that bottle she hasn’t. So you can’t ask her if she’s ever been arrested, but during the application interview she had to sign a form agreeing to a background check. And a credit check. And she has to piss in a bottle.

 

This is just the interviewer being a pussy. Instead of asking the applicant to her face if she is/was a criminal he will go behind her back to find out. Instead I’ll ask other people if you are a criminal. I will invade your privacy and probe into your past and make you piss in a jar while someone watches you. Somehow this is considered honourable and normal in our society. How fucked up is that?

 

I work for the government of Colorado. Once we hired a child molester. Our H.R. Department hired a rapist who used his access to employee records to find targets. Good thing we aren’t allowed to ask people if they’ve every been arrested for a crime. I’d feel terrible had either of those people been discriminated against.

 

Oh, and I had to undergo a FBI background check. Which I passed. How I passed is beyond me.

 

Third question.

 

Do you have any handicaps?

 

Because I, the interviewer, am too stupid to notice the wheelchair under your ass.

 

In the Age of Victims everyone has a handicap. What with the American’s with Disabilities Act everyone (except for unmarried, heterosexual white men who have jobs and no children) is handicapped.

Alcoholic? Protected!

Sexual harasser (non-white man)? Protected!

Kleptomaniac? Protected!

Old? Protected!

Can’t focus on a task (ADD)? Protected!

Like to sleep at work? Protected!

Pyromaniac? Protected!

Bad attitude? Protected!

Emotional problems? Protected!

Medicated? Protected!

No matter what is wrong with you, your are protected. The people who are not protected are all the others you have to work with. They will have to suffer for your problems. No protection for them.

 

Classic example. Where I work we have an individual who has been called out on sexual harassment at least twice that I know about, and is known by everyone to make lewd remarks to female customers and staff. By “known” I mean that all of us have seen him do it. During meetings he flips the finger at other employees and has told other employees “fuck you” on multiple occasions. Once one of our female employees simply said “good morning” to him and he responded “fuck you”.

 

How does he get away with it? He’s protected. He’s black, old, crippled and an alcoholic. He fills four, count ’em four, quota slots. He can get away with anything. This is the end result of creating protected groups of people. One protected person can fuck over a whole lot of other folks.

 

Now, having pointed all that out, you shouldn’t ask the question that way (do you have any handicaps). What you ask is “do you have any medical conditions which would prevent you from performing the duties associated with this position?” That works much better and doesn’t sound so condescending.

 

If they say “no” but really do, then the person lied during the interview. Terminate and move on.

 

Obviously I’m concerned about people getting the impression I am condescending. You can tell that can’t you?

 

Final question.

 

Do you have any future plans for marriage and children?

 

In other words, do you have any plans in the future to take long periods of leave from work during which time other people will have to do your job for you? Are you intending in the future to not come to work because your children are sick? Will you be taking time off on a regular basis for school related activities? Will you be running out in the middle of the day leaving other people to pick up what you drop in order to take care of your children?

 

Look, if you wanna make babies that’s great. The world needs babies. Babies require breeders. Good for you. If you wanna job that’s great. The world needs productive employees. But stop trying to do both. I don’t give a shit if you are a liberated woman. Now, if this is a job where no one has to clean up behind you and do your job for you while you are off doing the mother thing that’s different. But I’ve worked with mothers. I’ve seen it first hand.

 

They show up late, leave early and always have some excuse why they can’t pull the same hours and load that everyone else pulls. As a single, heterosexual, white man with a job I don’t get time off to fuck women (which is required for making babies) so why should women get time off to take care of babies. Making babies is a choice. It’s a fucking choice! It’s Pro Choice. That is not a baby, it’s a choice! Women have total control over their reproduction. Birth control, morning after pill, abortion, adoption. And for many women you have an additional tool which will prevent you from getting pregnant. It’s your personality. In spite of what you think there are very few men interested in having sex with you.

 

In spite of what you read in Cosmopolitan, you can’t “have it all”.

 

And boys, don’t think you are exempt. Men with kids are just as much of a pain in the ass. Then you end up getting a divorce and either get custody or child support. If it’s custody then you’ll be gone taking care of all these child related issues while I do your job for you. If it’s child support I’ll have to listen to you complaining about it all the time. It’s you fault ass hole. You fucked her. Why do I have to get punished? I didn’t bust a nut. The child ain’t mine but I still have to pay for it.

 

These are questions which are considered discrimination in our society. Notice how the last three are designed to set up situations in which other people are punished for the actions (past, present and/or future) of the person that we are trying so hard not to discriminate against.

 

What kind of sick fucking joke is this?